“What do you do?”

Whether I am at a business networking event or just hanging out with my friends at a bar, somebody (or everybody) will always ask me a scary and sometimes boring question - “What do you do?” 

 

This kind of question generally comes at the beginning of a conversation with a new person or at a lull in an ongoing conversation.  It is both a way for somebody to get some context as well as find something familiar to talk about so the conversation can continue.  Personally, I like to ask ridiculous questions like - “What is your SECOND-most passion in life?” 

 

Now if somebody asks me “what do you do?”  I tell them exactly what I am currently doing – “I’m retired” or “I’m searching for my soul” (those of you that know me understand why I can’t put my most favorite and third answer on this blog!).  Generally the shock value of these statements is completely worth quitting my job over.  What I am trying to do is create an answer that engages people in conversation and makes me the center of attention (which I really like).  Most people I talk to think I’m lucky or want to know how/why. 

 

The bottom line is – when you are having a conversation with somebody and are trying to keep them engaged.  Don’t follow the standard patterns of conversation (“what do you do?”) but try to talk about something you are passionate about!

Honesty IS the Best Policy (except . . . . . )

Here is a great article that everyone should read.  John Loeb is spot on.  I want to dive a little bit further into his “rule no. 9:” “A reputation for fair and honest dealing will be your greatest asset.”  While I might not always follow “rule no. 9,” I am generally very honest with people in my personal and professional relationships.  BUT, I find that this honesty gets me into trouble sometimes . . . .

 

The reason I get into trouble is that I have a tendency to be bluntly honest.  I say the EXACT truth instead of using strategies to mitigate the harshness of my honesty.  Like any good Management Consultant, my father has tried to teach me two ways to avoid getting myself into trouble when speaking the truth:

1. Change the tone of the discussion (i.e. say “that isn’t quite right” vs. “YOU are wrong”)
2. Wait a day before making the comment – you will generally think over the statement or situation and be able to approach it in a more constructive way vs. an accusatory way

 

I have noticed that in my personal life, being bluntly honest should be mitigated with the above two techniques because individuals tend to be more sensitive to their friend’s opinions (especially women – please please I know I'm generalizing so don’t get mad!).  On the professional side, though, I have gained a lot of long-term good will from telling the precise truth, no matter how much it hurts.  People will trust that I am giving them my full opinion instead of skirting around an issue or flat-out lying.  Over the course of my career at NSR I definitely raised a lot of hell about certain issues I didn’t agree with but my relationship with my former colleagues actually grew rather then suffer.  In fact, even if there was some sort of professional issue, my personal relationship with my colleague’s did not suffer – i.e. no awkwardness in grabbing some drinks even if we were in the middle of a professional spat.  I think my father still finds this astounding because he knows how blunt I can be!  My advice is to develop a reputation for blunt honestly so that people expect it. 

Follow Up on Information Sharing and Networking in India

I have received some interesting comments in response to my take on networking and information sharing in India . . . .

 

Nitin Sacheti, a former Uchicago classmate of mine, says:

there’s definitely a smaller circle in India amongst which people more freely share ideas but I think the difference in comfort levels in sharing ideas is solely a function of the number of capital allocators in the financial world of a particular country. I think that if you look at it on a size basis---IE look at the total number of people in india that are in the 2-3 degree base and compare that to the same number of people in the US that are at the top of the financial stratosphere, you’ll see that information is just as easily disseminated, but the difference is in the US, it’s a lot harder to break into that small group of people bc it’s so much wealthier and older. I also think that because of the stricter government regulations and easier monitoring of the financial markets in the US, it makes people more guarded with information. I find that when many people who work for large public cos, find that I work for a hedge fund, they are much more guarded about work stories bc there’s a more concrete risk/consequence to sharing information so openly—ala Sarbanes oxley.

 

I fully agree with Nitin – SarbOx and the culture of litigation makes American business-types more likely to restrict information sharing.  Furthermore, it is much easier to break into the financial / business community in India.  I should say, though, that my aggressive personality does help – i.e. I have no qualms in repeatedly sending people emails until I get a meeting.  At NSR and even with my parents sometimes, I send emails with “PLEASE READ AND RESPOND” tagged on to the end of the subject line. 

 

Ravi Gurnani, a good friend and winetrepreneur, says:

try sharing or getting some information out of the any govt departments.. extracting info from the authorities is like drawing water out of a stone.. thats when you realise its the extreme opposite to this scenario

 

With my minimal amount of experience at dealing with the Indian government, I would have to agree.  If you have a personal relationship (or are able to build a personal relationship) with these officials, though, I would imagine that extracting information would be easier. 

Impossible is Nothing? and other Irrelevant Questions that Add Absolutely No Value

The last portion of this Seth Godin blog post talks about the two types of questions encountered at a meeting:

1. Questions designed to honestly elicit more information
2. Questions designed to demonstrate how much you know or your position on an issue and to put the answerer on the defensive

 

I think that Investment Bankers are bred to ask the second question and furthermore, the “CYA” (cover your ass) mentality is drilled into you from the moment you start as an analyst or associate at any investment bank.  That was the state I was in before I quit banking and ultimately ended up in Private Equity – I didn’t even know that being curious could add value!  I very quickly learned from the NSR founding partners that “question number 2” and the general CYA mentality would not take me very far.  Ironically, it really was our former Mckinsey senior associates who helped me fully understand how to add-value with questions rather then demonstrate knowledge.  I say ironically because I found myself doing a bit of “CYA” towards the end of my tenure at NSR – obviously because once I decided to leave, my motivation level wasn’t all there (see!  that is typical CYA).  Truth be told, if you are generally interested in a subject or a project you will likely find yourself naturally more curious and willing to “dive deeper” to gain more knowledge.  I’m just going to have to find something that I truly love doing to completely get rid of this banker mentality!

How to Get Information in India (or Why India is Better than the U.S.)

Getting important and relevant information that I require (both personally and professionally) in India is much easier then getting it in the U.S.  A lot of information can be found from a Google search but to make it contextually relevant you generally require someone’s opinion – and one that you trust.  I have found that getting in touch with these “experts” and getting information from them is very very easy in India.

 

Let me preface this post by making two comments.  When I refer to professional and social networks I am referring those in a specific strata of society – people who generally make what a NYC professional would make (no, not a banker) or live that lifestyle due to family wealth.  There just aren’t that many people making / having that much money in India.  Secondly, I am making generalizations to make a point but there are a lot of exceptions to the rule (not enough that I can’t make the generalization). 

 

So this group of people who don’t have any problem with money are a small group that tend to socialize and do business with each other.  This makes for a very small very interconnected network.  The law of “six degrees of separation” becomes three at a maximum!  It also creates an environment where it is very easy to reach people who have the knowledge that you are seeking – all it takes is a few phone calls.   

 

The small network of people who are very interconnected is a large part of why information is disseminated so fast and effectively in India but is by no means the only one.  I have found that the concept of “networking” – who you know and who you can connect to each other – commands a high amount of value in relationships in India.  You can win a lot of business by knowing the right people vs. having the best product (I know, this is a BIG generalization).  Furthermore, Indians in this strata of society are less guarded with their opinions and much more open to talking about themselves and their businesses – as compared to Americans.  I have found that as soon as you demonstrate some small piece of knowledge on a relevant topic, the person you are trying to get information from will find your knowledge gratifying and really “open up.”

 

From learning about some random scoring system in Bridge to the number of telecom towers a small independent tower company has, I can get the information more quickly and with a lot more accuracy than I was able to in the U.S.  The real dent in my argument is that I have been out of the U.S. for three years and have also grown personally and professionally.  Well, I'm going back next month for a one month trip . . . Let’s see what I think when I get back . . . . .